Thoughts, truth and lies..
on saturday 10.35p.m. right after i got home from work.. sha msg me saying that kristen's mum have passed away.. it was quite a shock.. me and matt went to her place... i stayed over and went to work the next day... the thing is kristen is like 16 turnin 17 and has a little bro who is like 12.. they have lost their mom.. i used to think that i can take care of myself.. i didn't give a fuck if i'd died cause of lung cancer of whatever.. but to actually think of it very carefully... i do have alot to lose.. that i'm so damn afraid to die.. but if it's god's will then i can't say shit.. i haven't live my life the way i wanted it... and if i did lose my mom.. i dunno what would i do.. my dad is already old and i'm not even sure if he is ok... a few months ago.. he fainted in church.. when my mom told me.. it just turned my whole world into a downward spiral.. though me and him fight alot.. but knowing he had sacrifice so much for me.. i dunno what i'll do... and so i went to her mummy's funeral yesterday with sha, triff, ivan, aaron and baby... I noe that i should not lie bout myself that i can take care of myself.. true enough i can.. but i can't... not with anybody around.. even my parent, friends, family, girlfriend give me headeches.. but i really do need then so much... am i dependent? yes.. i am.. sadly...Time already flew so fast.. and now its almost end of 2006... i'm already heading to US after new year... and yea... the smallest things i want sometimes its like trying to get pandora's box or trying to touch and get a piece of heaven above.. i don't have much time left... my baby is gonna have her spm.. and she has so many plans during the hols.. and it's almost impossible to slot me in.. i don't blame her.. really... but it's really hard sometimes.. that u just wanna be with that special someone you love so much... but you can't... but i'm bearing with it.. it's not really a burden... but i guess i have to get used to it... cause i want to be with her.. and i really need her around..when i was going out with other girls... i never knew how it felt like when u can't slot them in to spend time with them.. they just really want to spend time with you.. but u can't slot them in cause of dota or friends.. now i know what it is like.. it feels like hell.. sometimes i miss her so much.. that it kills me.. slowy and slowy.. till tears even start rolling down... but no matter what.. i do really love her...
Come to think of it... i am a professional hairstylist.. FINALLY!! 8 months in a cut above.. and now in chezz technique.. the people there are nice.. seriously.. but kinda stuck cause they speak in cantonese.. and my cantonese is kinda bad.. i understand though.. but cant reply... is hairstyling the thing i wanna do for the rest of my life? gosh.. i dunno.. im only 16.. and yea... i'd like to do it.. but i still wanna find out.. is there anything else in the world that i can do for a living.. i am a car freak.. i can just stare at it... thats why i have to go to US.. for college... or maybe i find out that i can do something else.. you'll never know rite? yea... they are always so many things on my mind.. 5 years from now.. where would i be? that is for god to know and for me to find out...
posted by john five @ 9:20 PM
.jpg)
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home